it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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