My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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