he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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