So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
