Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
