Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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