what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
