he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
