you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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