YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
