Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
