More tranny stories later!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
