Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
