I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
