Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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