If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
