she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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