He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
