He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We talked him into tasing himself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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