Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
