I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i will never coherently bang her
it's like iHOP with fire
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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