I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
