I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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