separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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