Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
