never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
