Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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