i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
