so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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