i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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