He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
