I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
