community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
