I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
