I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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