I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
