I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
