did you get engaged???
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
