Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
