Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
