I am in a vortex of obligation.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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