Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
