so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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