Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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