He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
