Dual....:-)
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
