I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
