He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
