Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
