Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
