worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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