remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
