try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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