cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
