I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
